I was blessed to be invited to face my fears and say YES! to adventure when my sweetie invited me to take a trip to the top of the south tower of the Golden Gate Bridge recently.
As soon as he asked me, my heart started racing and I started having surges of adrenaline rushing through my body. I am terrified of heights! I wanted to refuse, "NO! I'm not going! Never not EVER!" and I kept wanting to back out all the way up to the day of the trip. But I have made myself a promise that if the only reason I am considering not doing something is because I am afraid, that means that I absolutely have got to do it. So I breathed through the surges (flashback to good labor technique) and I reminded myself that the feelings of fear and excitement feel really similar to my body, it's only my mind that determines that one is good and the other is terrible.
It takes four and a half minutes to ride to the top of the tower and the entire time, I was trying to play it cool, act natural, like I take 4 minute rides 500 feet up into the air on a weekly basis. I know I gave myself away, though, when I asked our awesome guide and elevator conductor, Dennis, "Is this gate securely closed?" rattling the door just to be sure.
When we got to the top of the tower, the wind was blowing and the sun was shining. I alternated between shrieks of excitement and terror. I kept a death grip on the railing the entire time and when my honey tried to guide me to another part of the tower, I roared, "No!"
Aware of the amazing location and it's perfect placement between Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, I'd planned to take time to send prayers out for all of my Beloveds and communities. Instead, the prayers I offered were more of the "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my GOD!" variety. I promise, the sentiment was there even if the format wasn't standard. And it was very real and very very raw.
Eventually, I found a calm place, where the wind was less gusting and I could simply appreciate the beauty of the setting and the wonder of being invited on such an amazing adventure by my honey. By the time we had to leave, I could fully understand how people can spend a couple hours on a mountainside or on the tower of a bridge. We had to leave because another group was coming up, comprised of another woman who was terrified of heights and a man who was proposing to his girlfriend. I left a prayer behind that that terrified woman find the same beautiful soothing space that I had and, as we descended the tower, I thought of the blessing and magick of being able to face a fear in such a glorious manner.